Monday, April 29, 2013

Good Day to get Muddy

Saturday morning dawned cold and rainy, not your ideal weather if you are going to run 3 miles through a difficult obstacle course. Jason and I met my sister, Rachel and her boyfriend for a big breakfast at a local place known for chicken and waffles. I actually passed on the chicken and waffles because I don't really eat fried chicken anymore (it grosses me out) so I loaded up on pancakes with eggs and bacon. I'm pretty sure I waddled out of the restaurant, but it was so good.

We then hit up Costco and spent less than $100 for the first time ever in that store. Jason then wanted to get a new pair of jeans so we found some at Old Navy. I did want to look in Dick's to see if I could find just a plain long sleeve running shirt (ON didn't have any), but Emmeline was in pre-meltdown mode so we just went home so she could go down for a nap. I was still full from breakfast so I laid down for a bit and ended up snoozing for an hour.

Racetime was scheduled for 4:00PM so Rachel and Ronnie showed up at about 2:30. Emmeline was still sleeping so Jason decided to stay home with her rather than chase her around a muddy field for two hours while we did the race. Turned out to be a good decision.

We got there and checked in with plenty of time to stretch and hit up the port-a-potties. The waves were running about every half hour so it was fun to see everyone who had finished just come out covered in mud. We headed over to the starting gate and there were tons of people milling about, dancing to the music and just having a great time. It was still overcast and about 56 degrees, though. Thank you, mother nature.

Look how clean we are
The race got started and we all started running. The first mile was obstacle free but there were a few hills. I think the running part of hit was the hardest for me. I have really been slacking in my training and so I hadn't run in about a week. Once we hit the first water station, which was a complete mud bog, we slowed down to a walk and then got to the first obstacle. It was pretty easy, just crawling through a tunnel under barbed wire. More jogging and a couple more obstacles until we hit the first water pit. This was a series of three mud hills in which you slide down into a pit of muddy water. After that, running was nearly impossible as my shoes felt like they gained 10 pounds of mud. We did hit a snag in the middle where everyone was bottlenecked at one particular obstacle. It was a rope and wood wall in the shape of a W and people could just not get through it very fast. That was about a 20 minute delay, but it also kind of gave me a second wind. We were able to jog through the rest of the way until we got to the end where we leapt over the fire pit and then slogged through another muddy water pit under barbed wire.

Happy and Muddy and cold
Finishing was exhilarating and I am so glad that I did it, even if I felt like I couldn't run another step while I was in the middle. I finally got my first medal and it will be displayed proudly. We got our free beer (Miller Light) and stood around and sipped it, but I was so cold at this point that it just wasn't that much fun. They were going to start awarding prizes, but we just decided to head home. I will definitely be doing this again next year and will also be getting a babysitter because Jason is going to do it with me. No way is he missing out on this fun experience.

My medal is also a bottle opener!
Sunday, of course, was absolutely beautiful and 75 degrees. I was so sore when I got up and discovered a really nice bruise on my inner arm. We had a great lazy day, but did manage to get up and take a walk to the park for Miss Em, who had a great time. She just loves to be outside.

Corporate Challenge events begin this week so I have to get in more training. I did drag my ass on to the treadmill last night and got in a couple miles even though I really wanted to sit and drink a beer. I have Dodgeball on Tuesday night and the 5K on Saturday morning. I am determined to run that entire race without walking. I may average a 14 minute mile, but it will be done!

How were you awesome this weekend?

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Beautiful Me


Today I am linking up with three beautiful women  to Celebrate Your True Beauty. Instead of putting ourselves down and criticizing every wrinkle, these ladies had a great idea to honor what you believe is beautiful about yourself. So here goes.

My smile. When I look at pictures of myself, my smile is usually what makes the difference in how I feel about it. I have a big toothy grin and I love it.

My dimple. I only have one dimple on my right side, but I have always felt it made me unique. Hannah and Emmeline both inherited it (lucky girls) and it makes me happy that it has been passed on.

My boobs. C'mon, I can't be all serious. I have always liked my boobs. Even now after 5 kids, they are still a good size and not too droopy. Plus, the BF can't keep his hands off, so that's gotta be a good sign. And I can't find a good boob picture so you'll just have to take my word for it.

Update since I missed that one of these was supposed to be inner beauty.
My genuineness. I feel that I am a true and honest person. I am a genuine friend and will be your biggest supporter. I will also not hesitate to tell you something I don't agree with. I don't like confrontation, but will go to battle for the ones I love.

Now, go join the linkup and tell me what is beautiful about you!

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Wrapping my Head Around It

Sorry I'm so late in posting today, my alarm sound was turned way down and then I had a dermatologist appointment that seemed to take forever. Anywho, if you are here from SkinnyMeg's blog, then welcome! She is just the sweetest and I totally have workout envy of her morning routines.

My mind has kind of been all over the place lately, so I wasn't really sure what to blog about today. Listening to a story about Boston on NPR this morning kind of sealed it for me, though. Now, typically, I am not a news watcher. I don't really know what is going on in the world unless someone tells me about it or forces me to listen to NPR. Call me sheltered if you will, but the news does not hold vast amounts of appeal for me. I don't want to willingly subject myself to reports of hatred and violence that I don't understand.

I tend to be an emotional furball. I can burst into tears at the viewing of a Hallmark commercial for goodness' sake. I also believe that everyone should be treated equally regardless of race, gender, sexual preference, weight, financial standing, job title, I could go on for days etc. and I have tried to instill those beliefs in my kids. What I don't understand is people being so mentally out of whack that they need to take the lives of others. Innocent people get caught in the cross-fire because they wanted to go to a movie or to a planned parenthood clinic or to school or even run a marathon.

I was not glued to the reports of the Boston bombings as some people were. I listened to the updates as people around me would give them and was relieved when it was all "over". I could get back to my life as Boston was so far removed from me. Then I started to see all the "I run for Boston" t-shirts and I couldn't quite wrap my head around it. I actually had the thought last night, "Am I a complete asshole because I don't understand the concept of running in support of Boston?"

As I was listening to the news story on NPR this morning, they were discussing reopening the areas around where the bombs went off. People were going back to work and had to clean up the damage left. Uneaten food in restaurants and shattered glass from window all had to be picked up. What really got to me was the blood from the wounded was still on the floors and that had to be scrubbed up as well. These people who had been in the midst of a horrific event also had to go on with their lives. Whether or not they knew someone who had been hurt or been killed; life must go on for everyone. And then it dawned on me, running in support of Boston is a way to mentally do something when you can't do anything else.

I have not been running that long, relatively speaking. I started running last July because I wanted to lose weight and get in shape and that's how Mama Laughlin and Skinny Meg had started out. It had worked for them so it should surely work for me. Little by little, I gained strength and could run for longer distances until I did my first 5K and then my first 10K. In all that time, however, I was never really running for any causes. I just ran because I wanted to and that was good enough for me.

One of the largest running events in the country was marred by an act of hatred and violence. We may never know "why" and it doesn't even matter. I have seen so many great people in the running community that I am just a small part of come together to lift a middle finger to that violence. The support and love that I have seen from runners in the short time I have been able to call myself a runner has been overwhelming. That's why we run. Not just for Boston but for everyone to spread the love and support; to throw up high fives and way to go's and pats on the back. I'm crossing the finish line and it feels pretty damn good.


Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Business Casual

It is freezing cold today with rain and sleet and wind and I am cursing my company for choosing a building with a parking garage that is several hundred yards away. Sure it is great in the Summer and Spring (ahem) when the temps are nice, but pretty much sucks balls when it is cold.

About halfway between the garage and the front door.
I know, poor me.
Dressing for work when the weather is crappy is always a challenge too. Do I really want to wear flats as I trudge through puddles? I need to get some cute rain boots that I can wear and not have to worry about getting my feet wet.
My office dress code is business casual and it appears that there is a lot of open interpretation of that among my colleagues. To me, it means dress pants, skirts, or dresses, nice tops, sweaters or button down shirts, nice heels or flats. 
I wish all of these outfits were in my closet
 Now, here is where it gets fuzzy for some of the people I work with.

Denim dress pants - I'm on the fence about this one. To me, jeans cut like dress pants don't necessarily make them acceptable.

Colored jeans - This goes along with the denim dress pants. They can look really nice or way too casual. I guess it is more about the styling. However, too many women in my office know nothing about styling.

Fleece pullover jackets - If your office is so cold that you feel the need to wear your fleece jacket every day, you need to start dressing more warmly. It just looks tacky and it looks like you don't ever change your clothes.

Athletic shoes - Never okay. Even on casual/jeans Friday, you are not allowed to wear athletic shoes. (A certain manager I know wears them daily). I don't care if you have had foot surgery or foot problems, there are orthopedic shoes that are appropriate for work. Some are even cute, too. And can we just agree that there are way too many middle aged men who wear white tennis shoes with jeans? No, just no.

And just to prove that I can walk the walk, here are a whole bevy of bathroom selfies I've taken of my work outfits. I think I need a new pose.

Note: This was not a sponsored post (although that would have been nice). These are just some things that bother me at work.

How about you? Anyone test the dress code limits in your office?

Monday, April 22, 2013

Birthday Cake and Target

It is amazing how the decibel level in my house raises exponentially when I have all 5 girls for the weekend. And it is not even the older ones; Emmeline has decided that screaming at her sisters is the only way to get her point across. I really need to invest in some earplugs.

We had a fun busy weekend with lots of activities or at least it seemed that way as I am completely exhausted. I finally got my ass to the salon to get my roots taken care of. When you dye your hair a dark auburn and the roots are growing back in strawberry-blonde, it is not a good look. She also gave me a little trim to get rid of the dead ends and styled my hair. Now, I asked for beachy waves, but apparently she misheard me. She first blew my hair out ridiculously big and then curled it all up while using a full can of hairspray. I guess "beachy waves" sounded like "big Texas hair" to her.

My cousin was in town this weekend for her birthday and my aunt (not her mom) is also having a birthday next week so we had a big family birthday party at my other aunt and uncle's house. Yes, I have a big family; six sets of aunts and uncles. It was great to see everyone and catch up and the girls had fun running around, climbing trees and throwing rocks in the lake. You know, usual kids' stuff. They also enjoyed stuffing their face with all the birthday cake that was readily available. Needless to say, everyone pretty much crashed when we got home.
Notice the two cakes, plus there were cupcakes
Hannah and Emmeline cheezing it up
Elsa enjoying her first of I don't know how many cupcakes
Paige took a break from her art to have some cake

The girls all scored big with a $25 gift card to Target from my aunt Marcie so we headed over to the Bullseye on Sunday. The shopping trip went surprisingly well and we only had one tantrum from Emmeline who had managed to avoid a nap and was super cranky. It was really nice that everyone knew how much they had to spend and I didn't have to be the bad guy and say no, I'm not buying that for you. They all spent pretty practically, too. The majority of the purchases were clothes and shoes. I did get a Dora dvd for Emmeline and I snagged the 4th Shrek movie for $5.

Knowing that I have to run a half marathon in a month, I did get outside and attempt to run. I don't know why, but it is still so tough for me to run outside. It doesn't help that my neighborhood is all hills and the wind was really strong, but still. I got frustrated when my Nike+ app told me that I had hit a mile and it had only been 5 minutes. I knew for a fact I had not run a 5 minute mile. I ended up coming inside and running/walking another couple of miles on the treadmill. I really need to get my ass in gear.

I'm working from home today in an effort to recover and relax a bit. Sometimes you just need those days to yourself.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Finish that Sentence... again

I am barely here today. Seriously, I could go to sleep at my desk I am so tired. I guess that's what comes of getting up at 4:30AM yesterday morning to run 2 1/2 miles and then starting week 2 of Jillian's 30 Day Shred. Yeah, I'm bad ass not really.

My morning run yesterday was prompted by a small panic attack that I had earlier in the week. Remember last month when I said that I volunteered to run the half marathon for corporate challenge in May? Well, right after that, someone else who actually had run long distances said that she would do it  instead. I was really very relieved. Fast forward to this week; she hurt her foot at another event and asked if I would still be willing to do it. Um, sure. I haven't trained at all, but I can run 13.1 miles in a month, no problem. Cue hyperventilating and breathing into a paper bag.

To say that I'm nervous as hell is an understatement. Running a half marathon at the end of September is one thing, running it in the middle of May is quite another. Considering that I have not run longer than 5 miles at one time, I'm going to have to get my ass outside and start pounding those miles out on the pavement. I did do that 10K in February, but ended up walking a good portion of it. However, I did finish in 1:25 so even if I do have to walk, as long as I keep that pace I can still eek it out in just under 3 hours (which is the time limit). Somebody hold me.

My only other item on the agenda today is Part 3 of Holly and Jake's Finish the Sentence linkup. C'mon and join in the fun. You know you want to.


1. I laughed so hard I cried when... Mel and Holly were sharing their spouses' vasectomy stories.
2. My high school... was huge. I had 555 kids in my graduating class. We had mobile trailers on the campus for extra classrooms. The city has now expanded more so there are actually 3 high schools. Fun fact: I attended the same high school that my mom and her siblings did and Hannah is attending the same high school that her dad did.
3. It really pisses me off... Traffic. All traffic pisses me off. I am in full road rage mode every morning on the way to work. People are either not paying attention and do something stupid or they are so self-important that they must weave in and out of other cars or they have all the time in the world and are driving below the speed limit. Give me an empty highway any day.
4. In ten years... I could possibly be a grandmother. Hannah will be 27 and Cordie will be 23. And now, I'm depressed.
5. If I could erase one thing... I would take away the fights that my ex and I had at the top of our lungs while the girls were in the house. Or I would tell myself not to get those God-awful glasses right before my senior year of high school. Should have stuck with contacts.
6. In 1999... I copied Jennie Garth's hairstyle when she cut off all her hair in 90210, moved to St. Louis, MO and became pregnant with Cordie.
7. Honestly... I don't talk to my siblings nearly enough.
8. To me, Sushi... is okay. I've never had really good sushi from a legit restaurant, only the prepackaged stuff you get from the grocery store. I don't think I can form a complete opinion yet.
9. Someone really needs to invent... I wish I had an idea for a new invention. Then I could be on infomercials and on the box of the product in the "as seen on TV" aisle of Wal-Mart.
10. The first time I drank alcohol... I was 14 and it was at a party at my grandparents' house. I just kept filling up glasses of white wine and 7-Up until I was hammered. It was great until I got sick. My parents were not pleased.
11. The one question I would ask God is... Why cancer?
12. Lindsay Lohan... I like her better as a redhead (shocker).

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

School Picture Day

Today, I am linking up with Holly, Kimmy and Jenn for The Yearbook Linkup so I managed to dig up some of my old school pictures for your viewing pleasure.


Now, because I am old or maybe just because I went to a tiny grade school, we didn't have yearbooks created for K-6th grade. However, that did not stop me from being adorable/awkward on school picture day.

Pre-Kindergarten - Adorableness at its height

1st grade - Thanks for the Dorothy Hamill haircut, Mom
2nd Grade - Those two front teeth came in real nice
3rd Grade - What? Your school didn't do the picture in picture?
And check out my sweet monogrammed sweater.
I really wish I had been able to find my 4th, 5th and 6th grade pictures because they are truly at the height of my awkwardness and bad hair. However, since I only started searching for pics at 10:00 last night, these were all I could come up with.

Why I thought the center part with feathered bangs was a good look, I'll never know.
My sister's hair is even better. She had the beginnings of a nice mullet.

My mom was the queen of matching outfits for pictures.
Rachel and I had fabulous mullets going on right here and try not to be too jealous of my glasses.

9th Grade - I still hadn't started wearing mascara. Blond eyelashes are not a good look.
Senior Pic - I was so hot.

Bad hair choices and ugly glasses plagued me throughout childhood and what better to capture the moment than the ubiquitous school picture. You're welcome. Now dig out your old pictures and link up!

Monday, April 15, 2013

Proud Mom Moments and a Half

Monday again. I'm late today (as usual), but at least I'm getting a post out. Bully for me. I had a pretty good weekend. One day of being busy and one day of sitting on my ass and doing absolutely nothing. Oh, and being the bad blogger that I am, I took no pictures. Huge fail on my part.

Saturday, I drove to T-town because the girls had several activities going on. I managed to catch the second half on Elsa's soccer game (they lost) and the first half of Paige's (they won). Elsa's team was down by 3 when I got there and they did manage to rally and score 3 points, but the other team scored 3 more. They are doing better, though. Elsa just needs to remember not to stop running when she's kicking the ball. It's like she kicks it and then waits to see what is going to happen next.

When her game was over, she wanted a bottle of Gatorade since she only had water to drink. I gave her a couple dollars for the concession stand and she ran off to buy some. Much to my surprise, she comes back with a bottle of Pepsi. Oh, hell no. I told her that I do not buy soda for me or anyone else Jason excluded and that she needed to march back and exchange it for Gatorade. She then threw a fit and was a pain in the ass for the rest of the day, but I held my ground. I took that soda and returned it. Gatorade isn't the best for kids either, I realize, but it is a hell of a lot better than sugary soda. Mean mom for the win.

Paige's team got to play the team of giants, but they still managed to pull out a win. It is great to see these kids that have been playing together for so long now really start to "play" and know how to steal and block and all that other fun stuff. Quite a change from just running up and down the field.

After I left the soccer field, I headed over to one of the high schools so that I could watch Hannah's choir performance. There was a choir and orchestra tournament (for lack of a better term) with all the nearby schools participating. Hannah's choir group did really well and ended up getting a score of 1. (Scoring is 1 to 4 with 1 being the best). She then had a solo prepared, but that wasn't for a couple of hours so we watched some of her friends and then drove over to Sonic to pick up a little lunch. She's been suffering from the same cold/cough that I have so I also had her get some cough drops at the gas station.

Back at the school, she went to go prepare and I sat and people watched. I came to the conclusion that high schoolers really are not that much different than they were 20 years ago when I was in high school. The one thing that really struck me, though is that there seems to be a lot more overweight teens now than there was. That really made me sad. Being a teenager is hard enough without throwing a weight problem on top of it. One girl really caught my eye for some reason. She was really short, like maybe 5'0" and she had to have been at least 220 pounds, if not more. She was walking with her friends, but I got the sense that she really didn't feel like she belonged. I didn't talk to her or even make eye contact, but that girl really made an impression and I can't explain why.

Hannah's solo went really well and I was so completely proud of her. She has a lovely voice and has been taking voice lessons which have helped her control and project her voice. Her teacher was so sweet and also talked about how proud she was. She warbled in the middle a little bit, but she didn't lose her focus, just kept going and finished strong. She ended up receiving a 3, but I am still super proud of her.

Sunday was my day of sloth. I sat around and did absolutely nothing and it was glorious. I did have thoughts of trying to run, but I was still feeling a little weak so tonight I am hitting the treadmill for sure. Also, after my week long hiatus, I am getting back to Jillian and my 30 Day Shred. So what if it will be 37 days, at least it will be finished. Plus, I gotta get my training in if I am going to run a half marathon in September. What was that? Yes, I have decided I am going to travel to Indianapolis and run the Indy Half Marathon with a bunch of wonderful women. And... Jason is going to run with me! Holly used her persuasive powers and convinced him to start training too. I am so excited and nervous I may pee myself a little.  Who else is traveling to Indy?

Friday, April 12, 2013

My A-Ha Moment

Maybe you had one, maybe you didn't. Here is my story about how the light bulb finally went on for me.
I have not always struggled with my weight. When I was growing up, I was a pretty normal sized kid and in high school I was a size 7/8. It was just one of those things that I didn't really worry about, although I did think that I had a poochy stomach. Ugh, not even close.

My weight started packing on when I started having kids. With my first, I had gained about 40 pounds but it was actually pretty easy to lose the baby weight. I was only 22 years old, in pretty good shape and I even started working out after she was born. Then came baby #2 and another 50 lbs. These did not come off so easily and were still hanging around when I got pregnant again twice in the next three years. After that, I hovered around anywhere from 165-180. I didn't see myself as fat, though. Funny how you can trick yourself into thinking you don't look that bad. That lasted for about 11 years.

Something happened to me last summer though, that gave me the swift kick in the pants to actually do something about it. Warning: this is not a heartwarming story. Also, I really debated long and hard about whether or not to post this. Only a couple of close family members actually know this story.

My ex and I live about an hour or so apart from each other so we typically meet about halfway in between to exchange the girls. There are two ways to get to said meeting place; the interstate, which has tolls or the back way through some small towns. Last June 27, I was on my way with the girls to meet their dad. It was a nice Sunday night, so I decided to take the back way. As I was passing through one of the small towns a car pulled out of a gas station parking lot and hit our car. The other driver was not paying attention (obviously) and rammed straight into my passenger side. Neither I nor any of the girls were hurt, but they were shaken up. Fortunately, the speed limit was only 30mph so it could have been a lot worse.

Turns out the girl who hit me was 19 and was just moving out of her parents' house. She became rather hysterical and kept repeating, "I'm sorry" to me. I went into Mom mode and told her that it was alright, even though it most certainly was not. Her dad showed up and apologized and was really nice about the whole thing. He was actually a cop in the next town over and was fully insured (praise Jesus).

So, the cops were there gathering all of our information and the EMTs were there checking everyone out and my ex showed up so he could take the girls home. During all of this organized chaos, I only had one major paralyzing fear; that I was going to get arrested.

Backstory: In 2008, I was pulled over for speeding (story of my life) and got a ticket for having a suspended license. Turns out I had not paid an old speeding ticket from 4 years prior. I thought it had been taken care of. So, I got it paid and was all prepared to go to court and be done with it. Well, I missed the court date. I didn't receive any follow up information in the mail and it didn't occur to me to call so I went about my business and "forgot" about it.

In 2009, I was pulled over again for expired tags. Again, I was cited with a suspended license and the cop actually took my driver's license. I did make it to court and was told that I had to take care of my first citation. When I called the court to find out what I had to do, they told me I needed to post $2000 bond. Having no idea what that meant nor having a spare $2000, again I let it slide and did not go back to court. I drove around for three years constantly being paranoid that I was going to get pulled over.

Back to the accident. Everything was being wrapped up and my ex had the girls in his car and the cop came over and explained to me that because I had been driving with a suspended license, he was going to have to put me under arrest. I could tell that he really didn't want to do it, it was just his job. I burst into tears. I was humiliated and scared and didn't know what was going to happen. I was handcuffed, and placed in the back of the cop car and drove what seemed like an extremely long distance to the prison. This small town did not have a local jail (?) so they had to take me to Leavenworth prison. Yeah, that one.

I sat in a holding cell for at least three hours before they got me out to "process me". I had my fingerprints and hand prints taken and then they took my mug shots. Looking at those pictures was very humbling. I didn't even recognize myself. I looked old and haggard and overweight. Who was this person that I had become?

I finally got to call Jason and we tried to figure out what to do. Our only car was wrecked and he had no way to come pick me up. I called my ex to find out if he could do it, but he didn't have the money for bail. See where this is going? Yep, I had to spend the entire night in jail. It was freezing cold and I had one sheet and one blanket and I cried myself to sleep.

The next day, Jason's mom drove from Joplin and they came to pick me up. I can tell you in no uncertain terms that that night changed me. I did not want to spend the rest of my life looking like that person I saw in the mug shot. Within a week, I downloaded the C25K program, got my butt outside and started walking and running. It was in July in during one of the hottest summers on record. So tough, but oh so worth it.

Now, here I am approximately 35 lbs lighter and so much happier. Oh, and I have a clear driver's license thanks to 2 lawyers and $3000 in fees and court costs. I can't be mad about that though because I did it to myself. Whatever you do to yourself, you must then undo. I will be 39 years old in two months and I am in the best shape I have been in years. I have been through a lot of shit in my life and it is unfortunate that it had to take such a dramatic event to open my eyes, but that's kind of how it is with me. You have to slap me sometimes to get me to see what is right in front of me.

If you are still with me after all that, then thank you. I hope you took something away from my story. I have never claimed to be perfect. I am just trying to make my way through this world and I have made a lot of mistakes, but that's how you learn. Just keep getting back up and doing it again until you get it right. I'm glad that I finally got it right.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

So What Wednesday

So What Wednesday
I'm alive! But just barely. Since I have quite a bit to talk about, I thought I'd participate in my first ever So What Wednesday. So here goes.

 So What if: I haven't posted in a week. I have been drowning at work and when I get home, all I want to do is veg. I didn't get to go to St. Louis last weekend to meet all the fun bloggers. I woke up Sunday morning with absolutely no energy, could barely get out of bed and ended up sleeping until 1:00. Probably best I didn't go.

 That I am still sick today and now I barely have a voice. I sound like a man, it is pretty awesome. I just stayed home from work, I needed the rest anyway.

 The scale really hasn't moved in three months. I need to remember that it isn't always about the scale. It is about how you look and feel and what you can do with your body. I got so many nice words on my transformation Tuesday picture that I posted on IG, it totally made my month. My IG followers are the best.

 I have missed three days of working out with Jillian. Sorry NerkyMeg, I am just physically drained but as soon as kick this sickness to the curb, I will be right back at it. According to WebMD, I could have walking pneumonia or strep throat. Either that or Bird Flu. It's a crap shoot, really. And yes, Kimmy, I will be going to the doctor tonight. Provided that going to the CVS Minute Clinic counts as going to the doctor. Anyone else not have a primary care physician?

 It took me a couple years to do it, but I finally got my first mammogram last Thursday. Results were all clear which was fabulous news. I wasn't really expecting the worst, although I do like to tease myself with worst case scenarios in my head.

 I missed my oldest daughter getting ready for Prom. I got some pictures and she looked absolutely beautiful. I wish I could have been there.

 Emmeline has entered an epic phase of toddlerhood where I'm ready to lose my shit pretty much every day. She wants to do everything herself even though she is the slowest kid ever and a fantastic tantrum ensues if she doesn't get what she wants. She has also entered the "why?" stage which makes me want to drink copious amounts of alcohol. It really just cements my and Jason's decision that we are 100% done with having kids.

That my house is a complete wreck. It really needs a deep cleaning, but I just can't muster the strength to do it.

 I'm sorry that I've been so out of touch this past week, I have so many blogs I need to catch up on! For now, I'm going to go back to bed and watch some more episodes of Amazing Race. Seriously, I'm obsessed.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

No Free Pass

You know how people like to have their celebrity "free pass"? Like if you ever happened to run into a celebrity you've been drooling over and he/she actually wants to have sex with you, your significant other would be totally fine with that? Turns out I don't get one of those. I found out last night that Jason did not care for my Liebster post where I talked about hottie Adam Levine.

In his words, "the guy is in great shape, doesn't look anything like me and you want to have sex with him". He said that it made him feel like shit. I understand that this is coming from a place of real insecurity for him. He is not happy with his body or how he looks and reading about my celebrity crush only exacerbated those feelings.

I actually happen to find Jason incredibly sexy and have told him so many times. I don't think he believes me yet. He knows that he needs to workout, but has not quite had that "a-ha moment" yet. He has to find that motivation within to work on himself. I can't push him to do something that he's not ready to do yet.

For the record, if I ever did meet Adam Levine and he did want to have sex with me, I wouldn't do it. It would be too intimidating and too much pressure. Plus, who wants to have sex with someone who is way hotter than you? Speaking from a woman's perspective, of course. Anyway, I have a great thing going and I don't want to mess it up.

Switching gears, it turns out that you also cannot have a free pass with food and exercise. We've all heard that "You are what you eat" and "Abs are made in the kitchen", but something really hit home for me tonight.

I have always had a "tendency towards asthma" as I was growing up. Not full blown asthma, just would get winded easily and I would start wheezing. Hence, the reason I was never an athlete. Standing in the outfield and kicking the grass during softball doesn't really count in my book.

As I started a real goal to lose weight and started watching what I was eating, I didn't get as wheezy as often, especially when I cut out sugar. Tonight, it all came rushing back though. I have been snacking my way through the Easter candy because apparently I have no self control. I told this girl that I would do Jillian's 30 Day Shred this month and I am actually going to finish the damn thing. Tonight was day 1 and I was wheezing my way through the entire workout. Obviously sugar is not my friend and although I already knew that, tonight was just an example of how eating healthy can really make a difference in your life. It is nice to have those realizations that smack you in the face every so often.

I posted this picture on IG last night and I cringed while doing it. However, I was looking back at some older pictures and it really struck me at how far I've come. I may still have love handles and a poochy tummy, but I look a hell of a lot better than I did 35 lbs ago.

4/1/13 - 146 lbs  I'm 5'4"

September 2012

About 165 lbs
I have to say that I really hate those pictures and it makes me sad that I let myself be that way for such a long time. However, being thinner and healthier now just makes it that much sweeter. I worked for it as there was no free pass and no magic pill. Just good old busting my ass. Now, who wants to come and hide this Easter candy from me?

Monday, April 1, 2013

Not long enough Easter Weekend

I'm so glad the weather finally decided to get with the program and cooperate. This weekend was beautiful which was good since we spent a lot of time outside. Soccer season has started up again which means that instead of getting the girls on Friday night, I drive to Topeka on Saturday and then only get them for one night. Kinda sucks, but it is only for 6 weeks. I also had to work on Good Friday, but had nothing to do so I pretty much got paid for reading blogs all day.

This is the 4th year that Paige has played soccer, but the first year for Elsa. Hannah remains determinedly un-athletic and Cordie can't decide what she wants to do. I was worried Saturday morning that we were going to get poured on at the soccer field since there were some ugly clouds hanging around, but only got a few drops. The girls did great, especially Paige's team, but they've been together for a long time.

I hit up Wal-Mart between the games to pick up some things for Easter and went a little overboard. Easter is another holiday, like Christmas, that I tend to feel like I have to make it amazing for the girls or they'll be disappointed. As a result, I kept buying candy like it was going out of style. I also got some stickers and I had previously bought all the girls Brady Bands, so their baskets were full.

I don't know whether I am remembering Easters of my childhood as being overly magical or if I am still struggling with excessive Mommy guilt, but I was really stressed about making the holiday special for the girls. For the most part, they don't believe in the Easter Bunny and Hannah even helped me put candy in the plastic eggs and hide them for the morning egg hunt; I think I just want them to have good memories.

In the end, I was stressed over nothing. The girls all liked their baskets and had fun with our Easter egg hung in the yard. I did manage to get some good pictures of us and no one was crying or pouting. Always a bonus. The girls had some AMC gift cards so we ended up going to see Oz, The Great and Powerful. It was a good movie, but will never be the classic of the original. I was a little over all the CGI after the first 30 minutes of the movie. I did have all the girls put their candy in Ziploc bags which I then smuggled in my purse so I wasn't coerced into paying $50 for a box of Junior Mints.

My weekend was short and sweet, how was yours?