Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Make it Happen

When I was younger, I always felt like I was going to grow up and be someone famous or important. I wanted people to know who I was. As I got older, it became glaringly apparent that it wasn't going to happen as I imagined it. Once again, the grand plans in my head never materialized and real life set in.

In the past few years, I have done a lot of soul searching. I need to find out how to be a better me so I can translate that into being a better mom to my kids and partner to Jason. Something I have come to realize is that I have never been truly happy with where I am in life. I'm always looking for the next best thing; wishing that I had more money, more friends, better car, etc. because then I would be happy. Last night as I was tossing and turning struggling to sleep, I was trying to probe the recesses of my mind as to why my happy was dependent upon those things.

This little bit of introspection was brought on by a conversation/fight with Jason. He knows that I will bury things deep down so I don't have to think about them, and he pushes me out of my comfort zone in order to bring those things to the surface. But because I'm stubborn, I get pissed and fight rather than deal with my feelings. Therapy, I need it.

Regardless, it got me thinking that I can't continue to spend the rest of my life wishing for things to make me happy. I need to make my own happiness. I want to travel somewhere and take a vacation. Start setting aside money now so we can do that next year. I want to stop being so damn lazy all the time and get my ass to exercising more. Talk about it. Tell Jason if I want to go for a run so maybe he can get dinner ready one night. I need to stop planning things in my head and expect them to happen perfectly without a little work on my part.

I need to accept that I am probably not ever going to be a movie star but maybe I could become a top level executive if I did more than the bare minimum at work (again, laziness). My company offers a tuition program that I should take advantage of to get my masters degree.

The point of this whole post is really just some self actualization. Stop wishing for things and instead make shit happen for myself. Get busy livin' or get busy dying.

What is your definition of success? What do you do to make the most of the life you have?

6 comments:

  1. I think it's learning contentment with where I'm at; I'm striving for things in the future and it's good to have goals, but I need to just be with where I'm at which many would consider to be pretty great...if that makes sense? Self-actualization is a good thing at times! I've always been a doer, so for me it's a little the opposite in that I need to learn to just be...and not worry about tomorrow, as today has enough of its own worries!

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    1. http://momastery.com/blog/2013/10/02/life-freaking-brutiful/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=life-freaking-brutiful

      I thought of you as I was reading this...let me know if you decide to give it a read.

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  2. I can completely relate. I feel like I have so much potential, and am missing out on so much. Probably just because I'm lazy and don't want to do that "extra work."

    Oh, and I always dreamed of being a movie star too. ;) When I was younger, I would tape all of my favorite movies (like, on a tape recorder - not in the VCR). Then I would play the tapes and "act" - as if I was one of the actresses. Haha.

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  3. Love this post. Here I am 41 years old and I KNOW.... I am not doing what I was destined to. I guess maybe I still have hope, that the light bulb will in fact, go off and I will get on the right path. But damnit to hell, I know I have more potential. I am not meant to sit at a desk and answer phones all day. I just wish I had the balls to make things happen. I needed this post, to wake my ass up! I know I was definitely meant to cross paths with you!! :)

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  4. I completely understand the feeling. My issue is that I feel like I live my life for others. The kids mainly. I am a mom and I'm proud but I have to stop putting myself on the back burner. I know that's why I've gained weight as well. Food makes me happy for a second and then I'm unhappy with the way I look. I'm so happy I started blogging for myself...that is something I truly do for myself. Plus I've made some amazing friends along the way. I hope you find what makes you happier. I hope we both do! xoxo

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  5. I struggled with this too! Only this year have I really started living like I want to - being happy in my skin and going out and doing fun things. I think that having a positive attitude affects those around you as well, making them perk up, which in turn makes your day less shitty because you don't have to deal with their asshole negativity. Win win.

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